“No longer may this liberty be denied. No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice and family.”

These are the words of Justice Anthony M. Kennedy, one of five on the Supreme Court of the United States who voted to make same-sex marriage a legal right in all fifty states. Uh oh! The queers won. Life is over. I’m leaving this country. I’m going to set myself on fire. There’s rainbows all over the internet and I can’t make it stop. This isn’t natural. God made Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve. The Bible tells us this is wrong. This is some of what I’ve been seeing today, and it really isn’t making me upset. It’s making me laugh.

It seems that everyone has an opinion on the monumental decision that came down yesterday, so allow me to give you mine. Here’s the biggest argument that I’m seeing.

1 Corinthians 6:9-10 says “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived. Neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God.”

Well, I guess that settles that. The gays are evil and the things they do are an abomination. Well, damn, how in the hell am I supposed to create an argument against that. You’re a Christian. The Bible is law. You abide by every single thing that it says, right? I mean, that’s the only way to be a “real” Christian, correct?

Well, there’s one that isn’t loving thy neighbor. But that one is just too easy, don’t you think? I could go with Matthew here and give you the “judge not, or you too will be judged”, but according to those who believe in that sort of thing, there will be a judgment day for all of us, so I’ll let that one go as well. Damn, I just keep coming back to Galatians 5:14, which tells us “For the whole law is fullfilled in one word: You shall love your neighbor as yourself”, which is obviously a play on the whole “love thy neighbor” thing again, just worded differently, so maybe that actually is kind of a big deal. I don’t recall ever reading “love thy neighbor, as long as he/she looks and acts like you” or “love your neighbor as yourself, but only if he/she believes in every single thing that you believe”. Maybe I just didn’t take the time to keep reading. The Bible’s really long, you know.

But I did get to this one: “You may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance.”–Leviticus 25:44-45–“Slaves, obey your earthly masters with deep respect and fear. Serve them sincerely as you would serve Christ.”–Ephesians 6:5

Well, I suppose I could always use some extra help around the house, and I don’t really have the extra money to hire somebody, so this one actually does make me quite happy. I’ll just find the nearest foreigner, make a cheap bid, and hope everything works out for me. I mean, the Bible just told me that it’s okay. Oh, that you’ve got a problem with. Okay, I’ll try again.

2 Kings 2:23-24–“From there Elisha went up to Bethel. While he was on the way, some small boys came out of the city and jeered at him. ‘Go up baldhead’, they shouted, ‘Go up baldhead!’ The prophet turned and saw them, and he cursed them in the name of the Lord. Then two she-bears came out of the woods and tore forty-two of the children to pieces.”

Yikes…I’m all for the whole anti-bully campaigns out there, but that’s taking it a little too far, don’t you think?

“If there is a girl who is a virgin engaged to a man, and another man finds her in the city and lies with her, then you shall bring them both out to the gate of that city and you shall stone them to death; the girl because she did not cry out in the city…”–I’m just going to go ahead and stop there because it actually gets worse as it goes on. But are you telling me it’s justifiable to stone a girl who gets raped? Well, shit, how many hits do you think that would get on YouTube? Oh, you’ve got a problem with that too? Damn.

Do you eat shellfish? Do you eat pork? Do you wear clothing woven of two kinds of material? No, seriously, that’s in there. So is “ye shall not round the corners of your heads”. And for God’s sake, don’t ever harm the edges of your beard you monster. And for you women reading this, I better never hear you talk inside of a church. Ever. No tattoos. No premarital sex. No remarriage. The list goes on and on and on, with one of my favorites being that the Bible actually talks about unicorns, and not as a mythical creature.

Don’t I just sound ridiculous? Well, maybe that’s how I think you sound when you’re bashing the gay guy down the block, who has only ever wanted the same rights that I, a straight white guy, have been afforded my entire life. A man whose only wish is to walk down an aisle and marry a man that he loves and loves him in return. But the response to that is usually my favorite argument: it’s not natural. Really, it’s not natural? That’s the best you can do. If you’re out there with a picket sign that says that or anything similar to that, I hope you’re not wearing prescription glasses or contacts. That’s not your natural sight, is it? And I beg you to walk up to a veteran and tell him/her that the prosthetic limb that they need to walk is wrong. Wouldn’t that be a case of something not being “natural”? Tell me how that conversation goes. Create that meme and throw it up on your Facebook page. Just send me the comments section when you do.

Okay, maybe I went a little too far. Maybe I’m reaching. I probably sound a little ridiculous. Or maybe that’s how I think certain people sound when they oppose something like same-sex marriage. Honestly, I have zero problem with Christians. You have the right to believe in what you want to believe in. That’s one of the beauties of living in this great country. It’s when people choose to hate something that they don’t agree with or believe in because it doesn’t match their personal belief system. That doesn’t make you a Christian. That makes you a bigot. And just to create a level playing field, I’m certain that not every gay person believes in God or Christianity. I’ve witnessed bigotry and seen insults thrown from that side as well, so don’t take this as an attack on religion or the Bible. That’s not what this is. So what is this about?

This is about equality. Seriously, why do you care if two gay people want to get married? How is it affecting your life at all? I got married ten years ago. I got divorced two years ago. That’s a sin. Where was the backlash on me? I’m a divorced father of two daughters that were created through IVF. I smoke. I drink. I have tattoos. I ate a pound of bacon a few days ago. I have sex out of wedlock. I curse. I’ve got a poly-cotton blended shirt, and I love it. And guess what? I’ve got people, Christians even, who love me and respect me as a person, and they should. I’m a damn good father who respects other people, their belief system, and I damn sure love people, whether they be gay or straight. So if you want to go after somebody, come after me. And just to fill you in, gay people are actually people too, you know. They’re not the abomination you think they are. Could be worse, right? They could only be three-fifths of a person like that nigger down the street. Ooooo…..did you just wince a little bit? Now pretend that I actually thought like that and posted shit like that all over the internet. You’d crucify me, and deservedly so. And just to save the hate mail, I know I’m not supposed to use that word and I don’t. But now you know how some of these comments and posts come off. This is the level of ignorance and hatred that some people bring to the conversation.

I hear questions like “what is this country coming to” when talking about this topic and I seriously have to laugh at it. Gay marriage isn’t the problem. Two people want to spend their life together and give matrimony a shot. Should it matter if it’s two men or two women? “But that’s not the definition of marriage. It’s supposed to be a man and a woman.” Really? Millions of Christians have gotten married, given their vows with “til death do us part” and all the rest, and gotten divorced. Hasn’t the definition of marriage these days already changed?

So where does this leave us? To me, things are the same as they’ve always been. The only difference is that now I can stand up as the best man at my brother’s wedding if he ever decides to get married, which makes me happy to no end. Oh, I didn’t mention that. I suppose that when I think about my brother, I don’t think of him as my gay brother. He’s just my brother, and if and when he ever deems someone worthy of marrying him, I’ll be right beside him, just like I’ve always been.

As many of you read this, I know there’s a lot of you who are disagreeing with me, and that’s okay. Believe it or not, that’s actually been the point this entire time. It’s okay for people to believe in different things. Again, that’s the beauty of where we get to live. My problem isn’t religion. My problem isn’t people practicing religion. My problem isn’t anything like that. My problem is people hiding behind religion to avoid an actual discussion. My problem is people picking and choosing parts of religion that benefit their side of an argument while completely ignoring other aspects when it doesn’t help them. My problem is “Christians” that preach the Bible and hate others. My problem is hate period, religious or otherwise. My problem is with those who won’t listen to any argument that conflicts with their belief system. What are you so afraid of? Are you afraid of letting others be happy when you’re miserable? Are you stuck in a marriage that you hate, and don’t want to see the two faggots across the street happier than you? Yeah, that’s what you sound like. When are we going to stop this? I don’t really care if you support same-sex marriage or not. Just stop being an asshole about it.

You know what doesn’t stop? Change. Change is happening. Change is here. Folks, it’s 2015. Evolution is a part of life. The question is: are you coming along for the ride?

Thoughts? Comments? Leave them below or follow me on Twitter @THElukenorris.