Do you remember what sports used to be? Two teams would play. One would win and one would lose. Unless you’re watching two soccer clubs battle to an exhilarating 0-0 draw, which if this is the case, you have too much time on your hands as it is. I would turn on Sportscenter and watch highlights for 90 minutes on a Sunday night or flip on ESPN Radio and listen to all of the reasons why Michigan v. Ohio State is such a big deal. Sports has always been such a nice getaway from real world problems. Sure, you’d get the occasional story that happened off the field, but the problem now is that these types of stories are no longer rare, but expected and sadly typical of the sports world we now live in.
Look at what the most recent run of “sports” stories has given us. This is about the time of year that pennant races in baseball start to heat up. The questions of who will win the division or grab the final wild card spot would dominate baseball conversations. During these dog days of summer, I listen to talk of Biogenesis. I was never naïve enough to think that the steroid era in baseball was over, but it was nice to have time off from Bonds, Sosa, and McGwire. It seemed that the young crop of stars was on the up and up and baseball had turned a corner. Then this story breaks and all I get to listen to is what a liar and a cheater Ryan Braun is. Great. Suspend him and move on. I don’t need to listen to it for two weeks. And don’t get me started on Alex Rodriguez. He’s been pulling the wool over baseball’s eyes for a decade (allegedly). Quick fix here. Just kick him out of baseball and move on so I can just go back to whining about how the Red Sox are playing the Yankees on national television, AGAIN!
Hey, did you know that most college football teams have started their practices and football that matters is only a few weeks away? Of course you don’t, because somebody just posted a picture of Johnny Football drinking the last Zima in America while flashing a wad of daddy’s oil money at an OTB in South Dakota. Or maybe it wasn’t daddy’s money this time, as he’s now under investigation for taking money to sign some autographs for a memorabilia broker. And while this may be somewhat of a story as he is the reigning Heisman trophy winner, talking for a month about him attending a frat party at rival Texas isn’t. And the next month of speculation on what the punishment will be for a future NFL third-string quarterback is something that I’m not prepared to handle.
Finally, of course, we are about a month away from the start of the NFL regular season. But instead of spending the majority of the time leading up to the games talking about how each team will fare this season, we’ve had to listen to talk of Aaron Hernandez possibly murdering multiple people. Or the most recent story of Eagles wide receiver Riley Cooper getting caught on video using the “N” word at a Kenny Chesney concert. I’m actually starting to miss Tim Tebow talk. At least if we had to hear about anything off the field with him, it was probably a story of how he saved a cat from a tree, went to take it in to the little old lady it belonged to, saw she was dying, picked her up and carried her eight blocks to the hospital, and then performed the life-saving surgery himself. At least I could feel good about a story like that.
I just want to go back to the days where my brother-in-law throws it in my face that once again, Ohio State is ranked ahead of Michigan. I want my friends to give me grief about how Tony Romo still can’t win the big one. I want to tell everyone that I lead a tortured life. Not because my team’s superstar was just suspended for using PEDs while murdering three people at a frat party in Texas, but because the Cubs just got swept at home again. At least this way, my sports world still makes sense.